roots: insecurity

I can still remember the day that I found out that dandelions were weeds.

dandelions

Weeds are bad. You get rid of weeds. But dandelions. What could be bad about dandelions? With a name like “dandelion” you have to be good right? Wrong. A weed is a weed. And the only way to get rid of a weed is to pull it up from the ground, root and all. You have to kill it. While it can be tempting to hold on to the precious dandelions, they can infest good crops. And while it can be tempting to hide behind our insecurities and fears, we have to take them out at their roots, (the lies we believe), it we want to bear any good fruit.

Talking about dreams and passions comes easy for me. It’s easy to figure out what we love to do and the drive/confidence to do it. Having dreams and fulfilling your passions is something that you and I are ready and willing to do. It can be fun to dig down and figure why we love certain things. It can be freeing to see where God has used the passions he’s given us. Realizing passions can be freeing. But realizing insecurities can be suffocating. As I write this, I feel my chest tighten and my throat close. I share this message with as much transparency as I can muster. I only share what I’m learning myself, because let’s face it… Insecurities are uncomfortable to talk about. And we don’t want them to be a part of us. So we have to dig deep if we ever want to move past them. We’re all insecure about something, and perhaps many of us are insecure about the same things. But insecurites do not have to define us. I’ve found that if I can put a name to my insecurities, if I can catch it in its tracks, they disappear. So let’s dig. Similarly to finding the roots of our dreams to discover our passions, let’s find the roots of our insecurities to discover the lies we’ve been believing.

level 1: name the insecurity

It’s simple really. We’re all afraid of something. Write it down, say it out loud. What keeps you up at night? What runs through your head as you go about your day? What keeps you from doing the things you want to do? What cripples you?

You know what I’m afraid of? I’m afraid that I’m not enough.

It stings doesn’t it? To realize that something that is seemingly petty once you name it, can completely control our lives? It’s an insecurity that in some twisted way becomes our security. We hide behind it. We let it permeate our words, actions and prayers. But at the root of that insecurity is a lie.

Level 2: ask the questions

In order to find the root, we’ve got to dig deep ya’ll. I need to figure out why I feel this way and what led me to believe this. The more I understand myself, the better I can move past the things that keep me from God. Ignorance to your heart is the most dangerous. Cure ignorance, and ask yourself questions.

Who makes me feel this way? When did this start? Where did this start? Why does it matter so much? What makes me feel this way?

Level 3: flood the lie with truth

Lies are at the root. Lies that seep so far into our being that that become a part of us and we call them insecurities. Lies that once we realize they’re there, they make us sick. Lies that define us. And the only way to combat a lie is with truth.

For me, I find that my insecurities come from incidences that happened to me as a child and lies that I believed. I find that I can recollect times when I was forming who I am as a person and someone said something, or something happened. It can all be traced back. Believe it or not, some wounds that I accrued in middle school and high school had never really healed and I was still walking around with scars that I got when I was 11 years old. That’s unacceptable.

Jesus died to take away my shame and guilt. And in his death, he offered me a chance to receive forgiveness. And since he forgave me, I can forgive others. Including the boy in 7th grade who made that comment, including the voice teacher who said I would never amount to anything. I can forgive them. More than the forgiveness he so freely gives, Jesus has overcome the lies, and every time that I feel them creeping, I remind myself of John 10:10 “The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.” Lies strip us of our lives. They take away our ability to perceive the gift of full life we’ve been given. So we have to take those lies and put them at the foot of the cross, saying…

“Jesus you came to give me life. I want you to be my ransom from these lies. I take these worthless and hurtful thoughts, and I lay them at your feet. I no longer want a lie to be my identity. All I want is you. I know that I am enough, that I am loved, that I am worthy. I know that you are truth, peace and life.”

 

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